


Heaven is a Place on Earth

by JDaydreamer



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/F, Romance, San Junipero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8492137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JDaydreamer/pseuds/JDaydreamer
Summary: Black Mirror's San Junipero episode turned into a Bering and Wells story.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Since watching this episode "San Junipero" I've been enamored with it and it's never been far from my thoughts. After watching it the second time, and you really have to watch it twice in my opinion, I thought it would make a good B&W story and I started to write one, but quickly pushed it aside because there's really no way I could do the story justice compared to the actual episode. But then there was a challenge issued and I decided to try my hand at it anyway. Thank you to abolynn and sistersin7 for setting up the challenge. The title is from Belinda Carlisle's song of the same name. Hope you enjoy.

**1987**

Myka stares at her reflection in the mirror, hardly recognizing herself. Glasses adorn her young face, and her brunette hair is long and curly and wild. It’s the only unruly thing about her. She wasn’t sure what to wear tonight but finally settled on a simple striped sweater and khaki shorts and sandals, feeling comfortable in the familiar attire.

When she finally walks into town, the rain has let up, leaving puddles on the ground, the bright lights of the town reflecting in their shallow depths. She walks cautiously along the sidewalk, unsure where to go but moving foreword anyway. There are people all along the sidewalk, looking in store windows, going inside a diner for something to eat. The sights and sounds surrounding her are new, yet oddly familiar. A convertible pulls up along the street beside her, its stereo blaring the last chorus of an upbeat song, the radio DJ announcing, “Belinda Carlisle there, with one of the biggest hits of 1987 so far. You gotta love that track.” His voice fades away as she keeps walking, passing storefront after storefront, only lingering when she comes upon a TV sales store, watching the images flicker on multiple screens in unison. 

"Helena! Come on!” a man shouts from across the street and she’s pulled from her observation by what sounds like an argument ensuing. She notices an attractive woman with dark hair and red lips, wearing multiple necklaces and a royal purple jacket with fringe at the sleeves is walking briskly across the street, a man following eagerly at her heels.

“Still walking, Nate,” the woman responds without so much as a glance back at him as she crosses the busy street. 

“We’ve only got a couple hours, so let’s use it,” he entreats. 

“I am using it,” the woman says, hopping onto the sidewalk to enter a nightclub on the corner, the man following her inside.

Myka glances up at the sign above the establishment the woman disappeared into. She adjusts her glasses to read the neon sign: Tesla’s.  

The music is loud when she enters, the dance floor crowded with young men and women dancing, laughing. She maneuvers awkwardly through the crowd of people in the club, her attire of pastel colors out of place among all the bright colors the rest of the crowd opts to wear. She continues to look for any sign of the woman she noticed on the street before or her unwanted companion, but doesn’t see any sight of them. There's a small arcade in a corner that catches her attention and relieved to see something at least familiar, she fishes out a quarter from her shorts to play the game Bubble Bobble. 

She’s immersed in the game when someone approaches her. 

"Hey.” The voice belongs to a young man wearing glasses much like her own and holding a drink with a little umbrella. “You’re good at this. It’s got different endings you know, depending if you’re on one or two player.”

“Uh-huh,” she replies, well aware of the features of the game.

“It was kinda the first game to do that,” he goes on, trying to strike up a conversation. 

“Dammit,” she curses when the game beats her and she quickly feels for another quarter to start over.

Seeing he’s about to lose her interest entirely, the man tries another tactic. “Do you wanna play Top Speed?” he gestures to the game behind him. She glances at the screen, seeing a car run off the road and crash into a building.

“Oh…no,” she says stepping back urgently, jamming into the game behind her.

The man looks at her concerned, seeing the panic on her face.

“I just need to get my bearings for a while,” she excuses.

“OK,” he shrugs. “See you around?”

“Mm-hmm,” she nods, quickly leaving him and the arcade behind.

She gets a drink from the bar, just a bottle of coke, and sits down at a table still littered with empty glasses and beer bottles. She sits quietly, sipping her coke through a straw and watching the other occupants of the club with interest. A flash of purple and a shock of black hair pass by her moments later and she recognizes the woman she saw earlier on the street. She’s surprised when the woman turns around and walks towards her, even more surprised when the beautiful woman leans into her and speaking with an English accent tells her, “Go along with whatever I say,” before proceeding to sit down beside her. 

“Sorry?”  she asks confused. 

“Whatever I say, just go along with it, please,” the woman repeats, casually leaning her arm behind the back of the seat.

The same man from the street before emerges from the crowd, approaching them and the oddity of the dark-haired woman’s request seconds before doesn’t seem so odd anymore.

“Nate, you’re pestering me now. Do I have to red-light you?” the dark-haired woman asks annoyed. 

He taps his watch. “Two hours, forty-five minutes. There’s not much time left.”

“Nate…” the woman begins to speak incredulous.

“Look,” he interrupts, kneeling before her. “Last week we had the most amazing time.”

“Last week was last week,” she answers him. Glancing at the young woman beside her she tells him, “I need to talk with my friend here, okay? I haven’t seen her in a while,” she says giving a soft nudge to Myka’s shoulder.

Nate doesn’t buy the excuse so the woman reinforces her tale, whispering loud enough that her new “friend” hears, “Nate, she’s sick. Only six months to live, sick.”

“Five actually,” Myka interjects, earning the barest hint of a smile from the woman she’s helping.

“I need to catch up with her,” the dark-haired woman reaffirms, wrapping an arm around her new companion’s shoulder. “Privately.”

Nate looks as though he still wants to protest but takes the hint and gives in. “Okay,” he concedes, standing up and beginning to move away from the table. “Hey, I’m sorry,” he tells her.

“That’s okay,” Myka responds.

Then to the dark-haired woman, he says, “See you around?” 

“Sure,” the woman answers watching him leave, not pulling her arm from around Myka until she’s sure he’s gone. “Sorry for killing you like that,” she apologizes with a smile. “The whole six - _five_ months to live thing, I mean,” she smiles. “Five was a nice touch.”

Myka laughs and glances away shyly.

“I’m Helena,” the woman says extending her hand in introduction. 

"Myka.”

"Meeka?" Helena asks over the loud music.

"No, My-ka."

"Myka, it's nice to meet you," Helena says. She glances back towards the crowd where Nate disappeared. “He’s not a bad guy,” she tries to explain. “I feel kind of bad for him honestly. Just doesn’t know when to let go,” she shakes her head. “So, Myka, can I get you another drink?” Helena asks already standing, ready to move to the bar.

“Oh, no,” Myka shakes her head. “I don’t need another.” 

“Of course you do, come along,” Helena insists extending her hand once more for Myka to take. “No dawdling.” 

Myka takes her hand, following her to the bar where Helena gets the attention of the bartender and orders two Jack and cokes for them.

“Oh, no, mine was just a coke,” Myka tries to tell the bartender. 

“Two Jack and cokes,” Helena insists, the bartender turning around to fill the order. While he does so, Helena takes a moment to study Myka, her dark brown eyes lingering over Myka long enough to make her feel self-conscious.

“What are you doing?” Myka asks.

“Regarding you,” Helena smiles. 

Myka laughs nervously. “I feel like I’m being analyzed.”

“Why the glasses?” Helena suddenly asks. “Don’t misunderstand me,” she quickly goes on, seeing Myka raise a hand as though to remove them. “I like them, they are quite attractive on you, but do you really need them?”

Myka tries to ignore the attractive comment and the flutter in her stomach because of it. She shakes her head. “You’re right, the lenses don’t do anything.”

“I thought as much,” Helena nods.

“I used to wear them when I was in school and now I guess it’s kind of a comfort thing.”

“I thought they might be a fashion statement. But the the rest of your outfit clearly is not,” Helena grins, dark eyes lingering on Myka’s sweater.

Myka looks down at her clothing, the striped sweater, the khaki shorts, the sandals, god the sandals, what had she been thinking? It’s all so out of place with the crowd, the music, the atmosphere. But then, she’s always felt out of place.

“Don’t take that wrong,” Helena quickly interrupts. “It’s refreshing. Just look around, people try so hard to look how they think they should look. They probably saw in some movie. But I like these glasses,” she says reaching out to touch the frames.

Myka holds her breath at the contact. “You’re authentically you,” Helena tells her. 

Before Myka can think of a response, their drinks are set on the bar for them. Helena grabs her glass, raising it in a toast. “Cheers.”

Unsure, Myka takes a small swallow of the Jack and coke, feeling it burn down her throat, starting a short coughing fit. 

“You’ve never tasted it before?” Helena asks surprised.

“No, no,” Myka quickly refutes. “It’s just been a while. It’s good,” she assures, taking another, smaller sip.

“Do you live here?” Helena asks.

“No, well…” Myka tries to explain.

“You’re a tourist?” Helena asks knowingly. 

Myka considers the description, smiling when she realizes it’s an apt one.

“Tourist then,” Helena grins thoughtfully. “So, are you new here then?”

“It’s my first night,” Myka admits.

“Your first night! Well, righty-ho then. We’ll have to make it memorable for you.” The music changes to a fast beat, and Helena smiles wide at the sound, laughing. “We have to dance to this,” she insists, rising from her seat at the bar.

“With each other?” Myka asks panicked.

“Yes, of course,” Helena replies taking a final swallow of her drink.

“Oh, no, I can’t really dance,” Myka objects. 

“Let’s not limit ourselves, darling.”

“No, really, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can, come along,” Helena entreats. 

“No, I’ll look stupid,” Myka protests but then Helena is grasping her hand to lead her onto the crowded dance floor.

“Just follow my lead.”

Helena picks up the beat right away, moving her body in ways Myka never dreamed of and she feels foolish just standing in the middle of the dance floor, not dancing but watching helplessly.

“Copy what I do,” Helena instructs with a simple pop of her shoulder. 

Myka moves cautiously at first but gradually begins to loosen up, feeling she’s getting the hang of it. She’s sure of it when Helena tells her, “You’ve got it.” Helena adds another move into the mix, taking Myka’s hand again, bringing her into her space and dancing with her.

Helena's eyes focus on Myka as she dances and for one entrancing moment, Myka forgets to worry, forgets to be concerned how it looks to dance with another woman. But then she looks beyond Helena at the other dancers on the floor who all appear to be watching her. The music fades away under the loud beating of her own heart and she backs away, turning to leave the dance floor, to leave the club, to leave Helena all behind. 

It’s a downpour of rain when she escapes the heat of the club into the deserted alleyway behind it. Myka seeks cover under an awning, holding her arms across her chest for comfort more than warmth, at a loss where to go from here. For a few quiet moments, she watches the rain fall, listens to it pound the cement and she pushes her sandaled foot into its path. It’s been too long since she felt rain on her skin. 

She’s startled when the door bangs closed and a shout is directed at her. “Myka! Why did you run away?” Helena is asking her as she dodges the rain to step under the awning at Myka’s side. 

“I’m sorry. I told you I’m not much of a dancer.”

“I could tell,” Helena smirks then sobers. “I’m sorry I pushed you. Saturday nights once a week, there’s just never enough time and I suppose I get impatient.” 

“It wasn’t you,” Myka says shaking her head, eyes downcast. “It was just…everyone was looking.”

“Looking?”

“Yeah, you know…two women dancing…” she trails off. 

“Mmm, I see. First of all, people are much less uptight than they used to be and second, this is a party town, no one’s judging you here, darling.”

Myka doesn’t look convinced.

“And if they were staring, you must admit, it’s because I am quite easy on the eyes,” Helena smirks.

Myka laughs. “You’re beautiful,” she blurts out, quickly ducking her head to conceal a rising blush at her bold words. 

“Thank you,” Helena says, sitting down beside Myka on an empty crate set against the wall. She hovers close to Myka, trying to keep out of the rain, and for an excuse just to touch the other woman, no matter how slight.

“I’ve never been on a dance floor,” Myka says.

“Never?” Helena asks incredulous. “As in the entire time you’ve been alive, never?”

“Never,” Myka confirms.

“That’s quite a sheltered existence you have there.”

“Yeah, well, as far as my family is concerned, I can’t do anything.”

“Well, no one knows about half the things I get up to,” Helena boasts. “With your parents though, I’d imagine it’s from a place of love, right? They worry about you,” she nudges Myka’s shoulder.

Myka shakes her head. “They don’t worry, trust me. Just the concept that I could be enjoying myself would blow their minds.”

Helena considers the revelation. “Alright then. What would you like to do…that you’ve never done?” she asks, eyes alight with mischief or promise, Myka can’t determine which. And how can she possibly answer the question? There isn’t time for all the things she wants to do. 

“So many things,” Myka finally says, her words tinged with sadness. 

“San Junipero’s a party town, all up for the taking. And midnight is two hours away.”

“That’s not long at all,” Myka breathes.

“Then why waste time sitting here?” Helena asks, letting her hand fall to Myka’s bare thigh and slowly drifting up the inside of that thigh, hearing Myka’s breath catch in her throat at the intimate contact. Helena can feel her pulse race and then Myka is jumping up from their seat, turning away again.

“I um, listen…”

“It’s okay,” Helena says also standing.

“No, I…I mean…”

“Myka, it’s okay.”

“No, I’m a…I’m engaged,” Myka finally blurts the words. “I have a fiancé…Pete.”

“And is Pete here?” Helena asks surprised. 

“No, he’s…”

“Elsewhere?” 

“Yeah.”

“Ah.” Helena studies the woman before her, the way she’s dressed so conservatively but had trembled at Helena’s touch and the look in her green eyes now speaks of a want that Helena has a feeling Myka doesn’t know how to articulate. So she decides to do it for her. “Do you want to go to bed with me?”

Myka’s eyes widen behind her glasses and her lips fall open with a soft gasp at the question. 

“We could be at my place like that,” Helena says snapping her fingers. 

“I never…did anything like that,” Myka says. 

“All the more reason to then,” Helena responds. 

Myka breathes out, “I can’t,” even though a large part of her wants to take Helena’s offer. 

“Alright,” Helena brushes off.

“It’s just I can’t,” Myka tries to explain, not really explaining at all.

“I understand.”

“I should probably go,” Myka says reluctantly. 

“In this?” Helena asks, eyeing the steady rainfall. 

“Yeah. It’s been really great to meet you,” Myka says extending her hand in goodbye. 

Helena takes it. “Likewise.”

“Okay then,” Myka says ducking into the rain and leaving Helena behind. She doesn’t go far before halting her steps, reconsidering the offer Helena just made. But when she finally turns around, Helena is gone. 

 

**One Week Later**

Myka is standing before her bathroom mirror, gazing at her reflection in a way that is reminiscent of last week at this same time. She’s wearing her glasses again, another sweater, and bites her lip uncertain about what she sees reflected in the mirror. She stood out in the crowd last week in a way she doesn’t want to now. She wants to fit in, to belong. She takes off her glasses, setting them down carefully on the sink and discards the sweater for a soft pink dress, pulling her curly hair back with headband, complete with a large bow on the side. It’s so not her. She’s tries on another dress, this one lavender, sleeveless and skin tight, piling her hair on top of her head in a messy bun. Nope, not her either. She tries on a third outfit, this one a black, long sleeved dress with a collared neck. Her hair is pulled back into a tight bun, her lips painted a bright red. She tries to see herself in the mirror’s reflection but it just isn’t her either.

Helena’s words from last week come back to her then. _You’re authentically you_. Forgetting about all the dresses, she instead slips on another pair of khaki shorts, this time pairing them with a buttoned blouse and jean jacket. Lastly, she puts on her glasses again and looks at her reflection once more. Her hair curls soft around her shoulders and the smile on her face is genuine.

***

Helena drives to town that night in her Jeep Wrangler, the top off so that she can feel the wind in her hair as she listens to music blaring from the stereo. It’s a quick drive from her beach house into town and in no time she’s pulling up behind Tesla’s to park her Jeep, jumping out of it eagerly to get to the party waiting inside. But before she can even get to the door, Nate is there waiting for her.

“What the hell, Nate?” she says says perturbed as she briskly walks ahead not waiting for him to catch up. 

“Look, I know I’m coming across…”

“I’m going to red-light you,” she says.

“Don’t do that,” he begs.

“Then stop this stalking you’re doing.”

“Can you just hear me out, please? Please?”

Helena stops walking to give him her full attention. “Nate, how many girls do you think there are in San Junipero? Hundreds, thousands?”

“I don’t care,” he says.

“I’m trying to tell you, Nate, there are plenty of other girls out there for you.”

“The locals?” he says disgusted. “They’re like dead people.”

A flock of those locals pass by them then, laughing and talking without a care in the world. 

“Look pretty lively to me for dead people,” Helena remarks beginning to move closer to the club’s entrance.

“Look, I don’t want some boring romance okay?” Nate goes on. 

“Nate, if you’re looking for sex, there are other options,” Helena tells him. 

“It wasn’t just sex between us,” he says.

“It was,” Helena responds.

“No, we had a connection,” he insists, stepping closer to her, a hand at her waist.

“Nate, it was just sex,” Helena reaffirms.

“No…” he shakes his head in denial. 

“No feelings,” Helena interrupts with a hand at his cheek. “We had fun and now it’s over. I’m sorry,” she says pecking his lips with a kiss before leaving his side. “Enjoy the town,” she calls after him on her way inside Tesla’s. 

Helena wastes no time grabbing a drink at the bar, enjoying her Jack and coke while listening to the beat of the music. It isn’t long at all before a new man approaches her.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” she smiles.

“Are you waiting for someone?” he asks. 

For some unaccountable reason, the girl from last week, Myka, springs to her mind, but shaking her head, Helena answers him, “Not really.”

“I’ll get you a drink?” he offers.

“Sure, that’d be lovely,” Helena agrees.

***

Tesla’s is as lively this week as Myka remembers it being the week before. The music is just as loud, the dance floor just as crowded, but all she cares about is finding Helena and hopefully picking up where they left off. She moves through the crowd, looking for any sight of dark hair and Helena’s beautiful face.

At the bar, Myka sees a woman with her back turned, wearing a sequined green jacket that glimmers in the muted light of the club, but it’s the hair, black as midnight, cascading down the woman’s shoulders that Myka recognizes. And when the woman turns slightly to face the man sitting next to her, Myka sees for certain it is Helena.

***

“So, yeah, it was surgery. You know both knee caps were just kind of worn down,” the man tells her.

Helena groans internally. She doesn’t come to San Junipero every Saturday night to listen to tales woe. She only comes here for the fun to be had. She’s just thinking of some excuse she can make for her escape when she catches sight of Myka standing feet away, gazing at her. She looks good, Helena thinks. A little more at ease than last week judging by the jean jacket in place of the sweater from before. She’s still wearing glasses though and Helena can’t account for the flutter in her stomach the sight of them brings. Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with the glasses and is all Myka, this young woman who seems so out of her element here in San Junipero. A young woman that tugs at Helena in a way that is making her begin to feel things she doesn’t want to feel. 

Myka offers her a soft smile from across the room and Helena can’t help but return the smile before her companion is speaking something to her.

“I never got this song. Kind of weird,” he says about the Queen song playing. 

Helena doesn’t know what to reply to that. He’s simply a distraction to her at this point and so she asks him, “Shall we dance?”

“Sure,” he replies, following her out onto the dance floor, the two of them immersing themselves in the crowd as they move to the beat of the song. 

Myka helplessly watches them, watches the way Helena’s eyes constantly dart to meet hers even while dancing with another. Myka wants to go to her, to be with Helena but she can’t make her feet move in that direction. She can’t endure a repeat of last week, feeling the stares of everyone else in the club watch two women dance together. Helena’s eyes meet hers one last time before Myka fades away into the crowd, grabbing a drink at the bar and trying to just be. 

She sits alone in a booth across the room from where Helena and her new companion have finally settled with their own drinks to talk. Myka knows it’s wrong to just sit and stare at the other woman all night, but judging by the way Helena consistently looks for her, as if making sure Myka’s still there, she doesn’t seem to mind that Myka is staring. She watches Helena smile at the man with her and feels her stomach drop at the sight. She should just leave, she knows she should, but all she has been able to think about the past week was Helena. How beautiful she is, how carefree and effervescent, how she made that offer… 

The night is passing by, and Myka thinks she’s not going to get a chance to speak to Helena at all before it’s time to leave. She takes a sip of the Jack and Coke she’s held onto all night but barely touched. She can’t help wincing as it burns down her throat and when she lifts her eyes to seek out Helena again, Helena is returning the look over her own drink. Myka’s lips lift in a small smile at the sight, Helena mirroring the action before setting her glass down and turning her attention back to the man next to her. 

Feeling she’s wasted time, Myka is about ready to call it a night and finally leave but then Helena is rising from the table and going to the ladies’ restroom. Before even thinking about what she’s doing or what she’ll say, Myka rises from her seat to follow after her. 

When Myka enters the restroom, Helena is leaning against the sink, checking her reflection in the mirror, making sure her make-up is still flawless, pulling a hand through her hair to make sure it settles just so and otherwise ignoring Myka’s presence. 

They’re alone in the room, the sound of the music in the club just a dull drum against the silence. “I don’t know how to do this,” Myka confesses, breaking that silence. 

“Do what?” Helena asks, still messing with her hair just for something to do, to not give away the rising beat of her own heart at they way Myka looks so lost and so full of want. 

“Can you just…help me…please?” Myka asks, her breathing labored, almost panicked. Helena stops pretending not to know what Myka wants, and turns to face her, eyes soft with concern. “Can you just make this easy for me?” Myka whispers, green eyes beseeching hers.

Helena steps forward and slowly lifts her hand brush aside the hair from Myka’s face, to try to look into eyes that won’t meet hers now that she’s made herself vulnerable by asking. Instead Myka’s eyes focus on Helena’s necklaces, the cheap, colored beads overshadowing a simple gold locket. 

Helena lowers her hand only slightly to cup Myka’s cheek, her thumb gently tracing her jawline. 

“Do you want to come home with me?”

Myka nods.

***

Helena speeds through the streets of San Junipero, pushing her speed even greater outside the city limits, fifty, sixty. The wind whips through Myka’s hair and she feels a rush of anticipation.

“How long have you been here?” Myka asks.

“In San Junipero? For a couple months now. My plan is to stay just long enough to enjoy myself. I guess I’m a tourist, like you,” Helena smiles. 

“Yeah,” Myka says uncertainly, looking at the scenery flashing by, feeling the wind against her face.

“Myka? Are you alright?” Helena asks concerned, taking her eyes off the road to look at her.

Myka smiles at her. “Yeah.” When she turns to to look back at the road, it’s to see that Helena has drifted across the centerline, another car fast approaching them, blaring its horn in warning.

Myka screams and Helena swerves her Jeep to narrowly miss the oncoming car, running the Jeep off the road onto the beach. Helena quickly steps on the brakes, the tires kicking up sand underneath them. 

Myka is breathing heavily when they finally stop, her hands gripping the dashboard and her heart racing with fear when she glances to see if Helena’s okay.

Although her breathing is also heavy from the excitement that just ensued, Helena doesn’t appear to be fazed by the near-death experience, simply laughing instead. Feeling her breathing return to normal, Myka joins in her laughter because here they are alive and well and couldn’t be anything else.

Helena finally shifts into gear, driving the rest of the way to her beach house in silence. The house is dark when they pull up, but the headlights from the Jeep illuminate the house enough for Myka to make out a modest two-story house with a large deck, perfect for sitting on to take in the view of the ocean only yards away. 

Helena leads them inside, observing Myka as she studies the new surroundings.

“Wow,” Myka breathes. 

“You like it?”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

“It reminds me of a summer home my family had when I was growing up. I wanted to have that again,” Helena says turning on a lamp. 

Noticing a framed photograph sitting on an end table, Myka picks it up to study it more carefully. It’s of a little girl, dark hair, dark eyes, sitting in front of a birthday cake complete with candles. “Is this you when you were little?” Myka asks smiling. 

Helena doesn’t answer. Instead she steps slowly forward into Myka’s space, dark eyes meeting green a moment before she leans forward to kiss Myka, just a soft press of lips. She pulls back from the kiss, feeling Myka’s breath against her lips, waiting for her to decide if this is what she wants. She receives her answer a second later when Myka palms her cheek, pulling her in for another kiss, this one sweet and lingering. 

Helena’s hands move of their own volition into Myka’s hair, pulling her closer as their kiss becomes more heated and insistent. She pushes Myka’s jacket off her shoulders, slipping her hand under Myka’s shirt feeling the warmth of her skin, needing more.

They make it to Helena’s bedroom. She’s lost her own jacket somewhere along the way, and then she’s guiding Myka down to the bed, straddling her as they kiss urgently, their hands roaming to every available inch of skin. Helena never loses contact with Myka’s lips as she unbuttons her blouse, parting it to reveal a taut stomach that her fingertips eagerly explore before rising to trace the edges of Myka’s bra. 

Myka has one hand on Helena’s back, trying to pull her closer and the other is grasping at her arm. She pulls back from their kissing only long enough to gasp out, “You have to show me,” her eyes dark with need, searching Helena’s.

Helena pauses in her ministrations, considering what the statement means and deciding it likely Myka has never slept with a woman before. “Alright,” Helena whispers, dipping her head to kiss Myka again, the frantic kissing of before turning soft and languid. When she pulls away from their kissing this time, she is breathless, happy to note Myka in the same condition. She cups Myka’s cheek in her hand as they catch their breath for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes. With a smile, Helena reaches to carefully remove Myka’s glasses, setting them on the bedside table. 

Glasses safe from any harm that might befall them, Myka pulls Helena back to her, this time she’s the one to initiate another kiss, a kiss that quickly becomes heated with a desire she can no longer contain. 

Helena smiles into the kiss, feeling any inhibitions Myka may have felt before flee from her now. She moves her hand further down Myka’s body, finding the zipper on her shorts, slowly moving it down to feel the heat that awaits her. Myka arches into her touch, her own hands fumbling at Helena’s clothes in her haste to remove them. Helena helps her and in no time at all there’s only heated skin at their fingertips as soft moans and gasps fill the silence of the darkened room.

***

The sound of waves lapping gently against the sand filters through the open window where the curtains billow in the cool breeze of the night. A breeze that pricks at Myka’s skin and she pulls the thin sheet further over her sweat-slicked chest. 

Turned on her side, Helena watches her action and smirks. “So, you’ve never slept with a woman before?” 

Myka turns her face to look at Helena, unsure how to respond.

Seeing the perplexed look in green eyes, Helena smiles softly at her. “That isn’t a critique, darling, far from it. This was…you were incredible,” she says her fingers tangling with Myka’s.

Myka laughs happily at the statement before turning a more serious gaze to the ceiling above as she gathers her thoughts, decides how much to share. Considering she just shared a part of herself she’s never shared before, she decides to be honest. 

“No, I’ve never slept with a woman before. I’ve…never slept with anyone.”

“Not anyone?” Helena asks startled, watching Myka shake her head. “You mean in town or…”

“No, no one, anywhere,” Myka clarifies. She turns on her side to face Helena completely. “You were my first. I guess you could say you deflowered me,” she grins.

“I deflowered you?” Helena asks with a nervous laugh, now she’s the one perplexed. “But you’ve had relationships?” she asks trying to understand.

“No,” Myka answers, her eyes drifting away from penetrating dark eyes.

“I don’t understand. You said you had a fiancé.” 

“It’s complicated,” Myka answers after a heartbeat, her smile sad.

“It must be,” Helena says, trying to make sense of what Myka has shared with her, it all becoming a little overwhelming. To be someone’s first…anything…their first everything. Especially now. 

Myka breaks the silence that has befallen them with a question. “When did you know that you liked women?”

Helena looks into Myka’s face, sees the vulnerability written on her features. She smiles softly at her. “Many of my lovers were men."

Myka smiles. “Fair enough. But when did you know you liked women too? Did you always know?” she presses. 

Helena tucks a hand under her head and scoots closer to Myka’s side. “Yes, I think I always knew. There was always that attraction to other women. Coworkers, friends, just a woman who happened to cross my path. Sometimes I acted on those feelings, sometimes I didn’t. None of those relationships seemed to matter though - none of them seemed to take either.”

“You never married?” Myka asks.

“No, I never married,” Helena answers. I had someone in my life, years ago, for too short a time. Someone who was the true love of my life whom I loved more than anyone, loved more than my life,” Helena says, feeling the tears gather in her eyes. “And she was taken from me when she was so young. So it’s been just me for a long time. And now I’m here, just passing through, and before I leave, I plan to have a good time,” she smiles through tears.

Myka cups Helena’s face in her hand, using her thumb to wipe away fallen tears across her nose, across her lips. She can feel the tears gathering in her own eyes at the sorrowful words spoken and forces them to remain unshed. She wants to kiss away Helena’s pain, to swallow it whole but then Helena is turning to look at the alarm clock on her bedside table. The green light glows: 11:59.

“Time is nearly up,” Helena says. 

“Then let’s just lay here, please,” Myka whispers, gathering Helena closer to her.

Helena, eyes still wet with tears, smiles and folds into Myka, breathing in her sweet scent. 

And then the world goes dark.

 

**One Week Later**

Myka doesn’t take nearly as long deciding what to wear this week, comfortable in her usual attire, complete with jean jacket again. The streets of San Junipero are lively as ever when Myka walks to Tesla’s. She hopes to find Helena inside the club as quickly as she did last week. She wanders through the entire club twice without any sign of Helena. She’s not in the arcade, not in the restroom and not at the bar when Myka orders another Jack and coke, its taste beginning to grow on her, especially now that she associates it with Helena and their first meeting. 

Deciding she could use some help in her search, she turns to the bartender. “Excuse me, have you seen Helena?”

“What’s that?” he asks, not able to hear her over the music.

“Helena!” Myka shouts above the noise. “Have you seen her?”

The bartender shakes his head. “Haven’t seen her all night. Sorry, sweetheart.”

At a loss what to do, Myka exits the club, out into the alleyway behind it, much the same way she did that first night. Only this time, Helena isn’t there to follow her. 

She does run into someone though, literally, and they both stumble on their feet.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going,” a man yells at her.

“Sorry,” Myka apologizes attempting to move away.

“Hey! Wait a minute, I know you,” he slurs, already drunk. “You’re Helena’s friend.”

“Do you know where to find her?” Myka asks, her voice rising with hope.

“How would I know that?”

“Because you’re her friend?” she says like it’s a question.

“Was a friend,” he spits out.

“Have you seen her tonight?”

“No,” he says, watching Myka’s face fall in obvious disappointment. He laughs then. “You too, huh? Well then.”

Myka turns to leave but he stops her with another shout.

“Hey! Try a different time,” he advises. “I’ve seen her in ’80, 90’s, 2002 one time. She’s worth the shot right?”

Myka nods, not sure why he’s telling her this but grateful for the tip even though her stomach is churning at the implications of what it means for Helena to visit another time - about what it means for them if Helena is avoiding her. 

**One Week Later**

**1980**

Myka wastes no time choosing clothes this week, wearing just a simple long-sleeved plaid shirt and blue jeans. She pauses only long enough on her walk towards Tesla’s to note the TV store is selling new models for 1980. She’s in the right year at least. Whether Helena is here is another matter entirely. 

Tesla’s is crowded as always and a quick surveillance of the dance floor doesn’t show any signs of Helena so Myka makes her way further into the club towards the arcade. She sees a familiar stranger playing Pac-Man, the same young man she met her first night in town but no sign of Helena. 

**One Week Later**

**1996**

Tesla’s is still going strong. People laughing, drinking, dancing. The arcade is full of war games now rather than the simplistic games like Pac-Man or Bubble Bobble. The music is grittier and in addition to talking to friends with them in the club, people are also talking on cell phones. Myka doesn’t care about any of it, she only cares about finding Helena.

She leaves Tesla’s behind and walks the distance to Helena’s beach house, hoping to find her there but it’s no use. No matter how many times she knocks, Helena doesn’t answer. She passes the rest of her time sitting on the deck of the beach house alone, looking at the expanse of the ocean and watching the sun set over the water until it’s dark once more.

**One Week Later**

**2002**

Myka walks briskly towards Tesla’s, hardly noticing the changes around her that speak of a different decade. She hardly notices that her hair is longer than it’s been either, her only focus is on finding out if Helena is here or not. So much time has already been wasted and she just wants to see her again. 

Tesla’s is still crowded, the music is still loud and Myka doesn’t see Helena anywhere on the dance floor. But Helena is dancing.

Hardly believing her eyes, Myka catches sight of a shock of dark hair, longer than she remembers it being, on a woman who still wears flashy clothes suitable to a night on the town and who at the moment is playing some kind of dancing game with a man in the arcade. Myka stands back, just watching, just drinking her in, relieved that she’s at last found her, even if it is in 2002 of all times.

The game ends and Helena exhales a sound of jubilation at her win, laughing and Myka wants to laugh and cry at the sound. And then Helena is turning, facing Myka for the first time in four weeks and three different decades. 

“Hi,” Myka chokes out, watching the smile slip from Helena’s face at the sight of her. Helena leaves the game, passing by Myka without a word, disappearing into the crowd with Myka helpless but to follow after her. 

“Hey!” Myka shouts above the music, trying desperately to get Helena’s attention but Helena either doesn’t hear her or more likely ignores her so Myka lunges forward to catch her arm.

Helena turns at the touch. “Why are you here, Myka?” she asks, looking upset, angry. 

“I was looking for you,” Myka says simply. “Where did you go?”

“I wanted a change of music,” Helena answers flippantly. 

“How the hell is this your era?” Myka asks looking around the club, the time period that isn’t either of theirs, not at this young age anyway. Realization dawns then. “You hid from me.” 

“I did not,” Helena refutes, flustered by the accusation, by the truth uttered from Myka’s lips. “I owe you nothing, Myka,” she says walking away and entering the restroom.

Myka follows her, barging into the room in anger. “It’s not about owing me something. It’s about why you left without a word, without at least saying goodbye if you didn’t want to see me again. You don’t know who I am, Helena…what this means to me.”

“This time here means fun,” Helena replies. “Or at least is should.” Seeing the tears gathering in Myka’s eyes, watching as one escapes, she says, “This is not fun, okay? You here like this is not fun.”

“So you don’t feel bad?” Myka asks, biting her lip when she gets no response. “Maybe you should. Or at least feel _something_.” She turns away then, leaving the restroom and Helena behind.

Helena knows she should go after her, she wants to go after her, but she has a plan, about what this all means for her and Myka doesn’t fit with that plan. She looks at her reflection in the mirror and doesn’t like what she sees, a young woman in love but too scared to act on it. A young woman who has caused pain for the very woman she loves. Angry with herself, wanting to feel pain for her actions, she slams her fist into the mirror, cracking it. She looks down at her hand, expecting to see it marred with blood, expecting to feel it throb with pain. Instead there’s none of that. Her hand is unflawed and there is no pain to assault her because she set her pain setting to zero. Even the mirror has repaired itself as though she never threw her fist into it. Myka is right, she needs to feel something, even if pain should follow. 

Helena escapes Tesla’s for the street, searching for any sight of Myka. She asks a couple across the street if they’ve seen a woman with Myka’s description and they both glance upward. Helena follows their gaze, seeing Myka sitting on the rooftop of Tesla’s, her long legs dangling over the edge as she studies the night sky. 

“Oh, god,” Helena exhales, running to the side of the building to climb the ladder up to the rooftop. She pauses on the last rung, taking in the sight of Myka casually sitting on the edge of the rooftop. 

“Please tell me you have your pain setting set to zero,” she tries to joke, but really means it.

“Yeah, I think so,” Myka responds. 

“Myka, listen,” Helena begins to say.

“How many of them are dead?” Myka interrupts, looking at the people down below. “Like what percentage?” 

“As in full-timers?”

Myka nods.

Helena considers the question. “Eighty, eighty-five maybe,” she says quietly sitting beside Myka on the ledge, but her feet still firmly planted on the rooftop. She glances at the people below before looking at Myka and speaking lowly, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not going to jump, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Myka tells her. 

“I know. I’m sorry,” she repeats. “In the time I’ve been here, I’ve said I wouldn’t do feelings. You scared me, Myka. I don’t want to like anyone and I certainly don’t want to fall in love with anyone but you…you…,” Helena can’t get the words out, too choked with emotion. “I don’t know how long there is. Myka, I can’t…I can’t do this. I wasn’t prepared for you…for wanting something…”

The rest of her words and tears are swallowed by Myka’s kiss. Helena covers Myka’s hand at her cheek with her own, deepening their kiss.

***

Helena pulls a satin robe around her nude body, tying the sash before stepping onto the deck where Myka sits on a step, a blanket from the bed wrapped around her and her gaze focused on the ocean. Helena quietly sits down beside her, listening to the waves, feeling the breeze in her hair. They had made love again tonight and it had been a beautiful and bittersweet reunion, tinged with uncertainty for what lies ahead. Time marches forward, even in a place like San Junipero, and Helena has no idea how much time is left. Of tonight, not much and so she stays at Myka’s side for as long as possible. 

Myka sighs heavily. “Next week is the big day. I’m getting married.”

“Next week?” Helena asks surprised and Myka nods.

“To good guy, Pete?” Helena asks, leaning in to nudge Myka’s shoulder with her own, making her laugh. “Are you sure you want to go through with that?”

“I have to,” Myka says.

“You have to?” Helena asks confused, waiting for Myka to elaborate.

“He really is a good guy.”

Helena remains silent, waiting for Myka to go on.

“I mean…my family doesn’t approve but they can’t stop us. I know he pities me and that aggravates me, but it’s not fair for me to feel that way about him because he’s…he’s…” Myka can’t stop the tears from falling now and Helena gathers her in her arms, gently shushing her and kissing her temple, rubbing a soothing hand at her back until Myka can speak again.

“You said you don’t know how much time there is,” Myka says remembering their earlier conversation. “What does that mean?”

Helena drops her hand away from Myka, folding her arms around herself. “I’ve been told three months. It’s spread everywhere. But doctors said three months before six months ago, so who knows,” she tries to laugh. 

Myka feels the wind knocked out of her at the revelation. “So you’ll stay here…afterward?” she asks hopeful.

Helena’s eyes soften. “No, Myka. When I’m finished, I’ll be…elsewhere.”

“Why?”

Helena takes a deep breath, knowing she needs to be honest. “Christina,” she says. “My daughter. She passed over many years ago, long before a place like San Junipero existed. She never had the opportunity to even try a place like this.”

“I’m sorry, Helena. You must miss her.”

“There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that I don’t think of her,” Helena says, feeling Myka’s hand slip into hers to squeeze it tight.

There are tears in Myka’s eyes when she speaks, “Well I’m glad you tried this place out before you…go. I never would have met someone like you any other way.”

“Yes you could have,” Helena insists.

“No,” Myka shakes her head.

“You could have had what we have outside all this.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Myka says looking at Helena’s puzzled face. “If we really met…I mean really met, you wouldn’t like me.”

“Myka, of course I would.’’

“Maybe you would, but you wouldn’t have wanted to spend time with me. You’d come and then leave…”

“Try me,” Helena says.

“Why? What’s the point?” Myka asks flustered. “Where are you anyway, Seattle, Houston, Boston?”

“Carson City, Nevada,” Helena tells her, watching as Myka’s face sobers into shock.

“So come on, where are you?” Myka doesn’t answer right away so Helena continues. “I could just look it up you know.”

“Santa Rosa, California,” Myka blurts out.

Helena smiles. “Well that’s no distance,” she says pleased.

“I don’t want you to see me,” Myka insists. “I’m scared and…”

“And I’m dying,” Helena interrupts. “Whatever you are can’t scare me,” she says, a tear streaming down her cheek. “So let me come visit you. Please, Myka,” she whispers. “I want to say hello.”

Myka finally nods, giving her permission. 

Helena wraps her arm around Myka, pulling her close and they spend what little time they have left on the back deck, watching the gentle ebb and flow of the tide washing along the sand. 

**Present Day**

“Watch your step, Helena,” the nurse warns, gently guiding the older woman down the steps to a car that waits for them in the street below. When she finally makes it down the steps to sit inside the back of the waiting car, Helena is worn out. Her nurse places a blanket around her legs before taking her own seat on the opposite seat to begin the four hour drive to Santa Rosa. 

Helena sleeps part of the journey, her dreams an odd mixture of her daughter, Christina and Myka, the woman she’s fallen in love with in San Junipero. She sees them both so clearly in the beach house, sitting at the breakfast table, laughing together over the Sunday comics and bowels of fruit loops.

It’s a shock to her when she’s startled awake by the car door sliding open. They’ve arrived at their destination. 

A doctor greets them when they walk into the facility. “You must be Helena,” he says kindly, shaking her hand in greeting.

“I am.”

“She’s waiting for you,” the doctor tells Helena, guiding her down a long corridor to a private room. Guiding her inside, he explains, “She won’t be able to physically respond in any way, but she can hear you.”

Helena walks into the room, her eyes drawn to the woman lying in bed, a tube attached to her throat. The doctor leaves the women alone and Helena, giving her purse to the nurse to hold, moves closer to the bed, to the woman lying so still, so unresponsive, so not like the shy, lively woman she’s come to know in their alternate universe. She takes a moment to regard her, the gray hair, the wrinkled skin, but the same clear green eyes. There she is, there’s her Myka. Helena swallows down the rising emotion she feels and stands at Myka’s side and whispers, “Hello, beautiful,” while holding Myka’s hand in hers. “I’m so happy to see you,” she says, brushing the hair back from Myka’s face before leaning forward to place a kiss against her temple. 

***

Helena is holding onto her nurse’s arm as they slowly walk out of Myka’s room, ready to leave the facility when they’re stopped by a man’s voice behind them. “Sorry to bother you, but are you Helena?” he asks grinning. 

“Yes, I’m Helena,” she says unsure how the man knows her name. 

The man grins wider. “I knew it! I’m Pete,” he introduces.

“You’re Pete?” Helena asks disbelieving that this young orderly is the same Pete Myka said was her fiancé. “You must be joking.”

Pete laughs loudly. “Well I think it’s great that you came here in person before she passes over. Even her family doesn’t come visit anymore.”

“She’s passing over?” Helena asks distressed. “When?”

Pete looks as though he’s just stuck his foot in his mouth. “Why don’t we grab some coffee,” he suggests.

“She didn’t tell you,” Pete says, carrying a tray with two coffees while Helena holds onto his arm.

“No, she didn’t. She said she was just visiting.”

“More like sampling the trial version,” Pete explains, guiding Helena into a chair at a small table. “I’ve only known her the last three years. We talk on the com box. She told you how she ended up quadriplegic though, right? And how long she’s been that way?”

Helena shakes her head, ashamed to realize how little she knows about Myka’s real life. 

Pete sighs. “One night when she’s twenty-one, she comes out to her parents. Let’s just say they’re a might uptight about the big reveal. Tell her they don’t want a gay daughter, it’s not natural and the usual mumbo-jumbo. Anyway, they get into a fight, Myka gets into her car and runs it off the road.”

Helena intakes a sharp breath. “When she was only twenty-one?”

“Yeah. It’s been her whole lifetime basically. So the whole San Junipero system has been a really big deal for her. But now, until she passes over - goes permanent - she’s on the five hour weekly limit. I guess you’re the same?”

Helena nods. “They ration it out. We’re not trusted with more,” she says contemptuously.

“I’ve heard you go crazy with too much,” Pete says. “Disassociate body from mind.”

“As if that doesn’t happen in every senior home already. The system is there for therapeutic reasons, immersive nostalgic therapy. It plunges you into a world of memories. But what about this marriage between you two?” Helena asks trying to understand.

Pete sighs. “The state’s got a triple lockdown on euthanasia cases - you got to have a sign off from the doc, the patient, a family member to stop people from passing over just because they prefer San Junipero, flat out. Anyhow, Myka’s family, they’re religious and they won’t sign.”

“But a spouse can override them,” Helena says understanding the setup. 

“Yep. We’ve got a pastor coming tomorrow AM and she’s scheduled to pass tomorrow afternoon.”

“Scheduled to pass,” Helena shakes her head distressed. “Let’s just call it dying.”

“If you can call it dying,” Pete shoots back. 

“Oh yes, uploaded to the cloud, sounds like heaven,” she scoffs. 

“I guess,” Pete says sadly.

Helena considers him. “Are you going to wear a suit to the wedding?” 

Pete laughs. “The ceremony is on my coffee break. I’ve been married before and divorced, so I just figure, you know, what’s the harm?”

“You’re a good man, Pete.”

“Just figured it was the least I could do, right?” 

“Well, since you ask, do you think you could hook us up to the system now?” Seeing that he’s about to put up an argument she goes on. “Just for a little while before Myka passes.”

“You’ll still see her afterward,” he argues anyway. “Then she has no limit, she be in San Junipero full time.”

“I know, but do you think you could hook us up anyway?” Helena prods.

“Seriously, it’s so tightly monitored here…”

“I only want a moment, please.”

***

Helena sits beside Myka in her room, slipping the small device onto her temple, Pete placing Myka’s on her temple as well. “Helena, you’ve got five minutes,” he tells her.

“Thank you,” she says pushing the button on her remote that will send her into San Junipero. 

Helena runs through her beach house, outside onto the back deck and down the stairs onto the sand. She runs towards Myka who stands on the beach, looking around her in awe.

“Myka!” Helena shouts as she runs towards her. 

“I haven’t been here during the daylight,” Myka says awed. “It’s warm.”

Finally reaching her, Helena grabs hold of Myka’s hands. “Listen, darling, I don’t have a lot of time,” she says taking a breath. “I spoke to Pete.”

“Oh,” Myka nods, her smile faltering.

“You’re passing over tomorrow?” Helena asks softly.

“Yeah, a couple hours after the wedding. So I guess I’ll technically be honeymooning here, forever,” she says her eyes downcast, focusing on the locket Helena always wears, reaching to grasp it but pulling back just as her fingertips touch the chain. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Myka begins to apologize but stops when Helena’s fingertips gently touch her lips.

“Shhh. Darling, I’m going to say something crazy.”

“Okay?” Myka says looking worried.

Helena, still holding Myka’s hands, drops to one knee in the sand. “Would you like to marry me instead?” Myka’s lips fall open in shock. “Pete seems great, but why not someone you’ve connected with?”

Myka breaks into laughter, falls to her knees and with tears trailing down her cheeks, she grasps Helena’s face with both hands, pulling her into a kiss, choking down the sob that threatens to escape from her throat. She kisses Helena over and over again, moving from her lips to her cheek, behind her ear, down her neck.

“Is that a yes?” Helena laughs breathlessly, hearing Myka’s answering laughter against her ear as she holds onto her, both of them still on their knees in the warm sand. Myka can’t contain the sob lodged in her throat any longer, Helena can barely contain her own and buries her her nose in Myka’s shoulder, just breathing her in for as long as this moment will last. 

***

The following morning, Helena returns to Myka and at her bedside, they are married. She holds Myka’s hand in hers, listening as the pastor speaks the words about loving and honoring through sickness and health and she wishes that she could have had a lifetime of loving Myka instead of only five short hours over the span of a several weeks.

Later, she signs her name as Myka’s wife to authorize the euthanization. Helena is there with her, holding Myka’s hand for her very last breath, until her very last tear is shed.

***

The sand feels warmer against Myka’s skin, the sky clearer, the ocean bluer. Even the water feels colder against her bare feet as the tide washes over them. She sits in the sand, looking at the expanse of ocean before her. A flock of gulls fly in the distance and she watches them for long moments. Myka removes her glasses, there’s no need for them, there never was, especially now. This is it. This is her heaven on earth. 

***

Helena returns to her assisted living home and later that evening, she sits in a favorite chair pulled close to a window. Her nurse attends to her, helps her set up the device for her trip to San Junipero tonight. A coughing fit overtakes her for a few moments but after recovering, she pushes the button on the remote and makes her escape to San Junipero and to Myka, waiting there for her.

***

Myka is still on the beach, walking along the water’s edge, feeling the warm sand between her toes and the cool water rush over her feet when she hears a honking noise. Spinning around, there is Helena, standing up in her Jeep, wearing a wedding dress and the largest smile Myka has ever seen. 

So happy to see her, and in a wedding dress of all things, Myka bursts into laughter, quickly running towards Helena.

“You didn’t dress up to see me?” Helena asks, trying to sound offended. “Really, darling, it is our wedding night.”

Myka looks down at her clothing, just a simple tee-shirt and shorts. “Oh, I’m sorry.” She thinks of a wedding dress, long sleeves, scooped neckline, and suddenly she’s wearing exactly that, complete with veil. Only the veil gets in her way so she pulls it off, letting it drift away on the breeze. “Better?” she smiles.

“Much,” Helena says, reaching down to pull Myka up to her. Myka engulfs her in a hug, lifting her off her feet as she spins them around in happiness. 

Helena drives them to the an overlook spot just outside of town so they can see the city lights in the distance and still watch the ocean. They sit on the hood of the Jeep and she leans her head against Myka’s shoulder, taking it all in, listening to Myka talk.

“It all looks so real. Feels so real,” she says feeling the warmth of the Jeep’s hood under her hand. Myka jumps down from the Jeep, to kick her feet in the sand. 

“What are you doing?” Helena asks amused.

“I love it here!”

“You’ve been here before,” Helena says, not quite sure why Myka is so exuberant about a place she’s been visiting for the past several weeks. Unless of course, by passing over, she has full sensory again. It would make sense, no longer divided between real life and this alternate life.

“But now I live here,” Myka is telling her. “Be with me, Helena,” she says suddenly.

“I’m with you now,” Helena says, cupping Myka’s cheek in her hand, hoping that will be the end of the discussion but knowing it won’t be.

Myka leans into her touch, still smiling. “I know, but I mean be with me always. Pass over, when it’s your time.”

“Myka…”

“Stay here with me, Helena, please.”

“Can we just enjoy tonight?”

“It’s almost midnight,” Myka argues. “A few more minutes and then you’ll be gone and I won’t see you again for another week.”

“You know I’m just a visitor here.”

“Yes, for a couple months and then what?”

“We’re not discussing this,” Helena says adamant. 

“You’ll be gone, Helena, when you could have forever.”

“Forever? Who can even make sense of that?” Helena scoffs.

“However long you want then,” Myka says changing tactics. “You can remove yourself at any time. I mean, look at all you could have,” Myka says gesturing to the city and ocean surrounding them.

Helena only sees Myka. “I need to go,” she says hopping down from the hood of the Jeep.

“Hey,” Myka says softly, gathering Helena close to her. “It’s real. This, what we have together, is real. You married me.”

“To help you pass over,” Helena says gently, “as a kindness.”

“You don’t love me?”

“That isn’t what I said,” Helena turns away, ready to get back inside the Jeep.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Myka says, seeing the conflict on Helena’s face. “I just…I finally feel like I have a chance for a real life here, something I didn’t have before and…I want to share it with you, Helena.”

“I”m sorry, Myka, but I’ve already made my choice.”

“I don’t understand, why…”

“No! You don’t understand,” Helena shouts. “I told you I had a daughter, my Christina,” she says unclasping the locket from around her neck and forcing it into Myka’s hands. “Look at her!”

Myka opens the locket to see the same little girl as in the photograph in Helena’s house.

“She was only eight years old when she was taken from me. Leukemia. That photograph you saw before - that was her last birthday. She became ill only a few weeks after her birthday and before she was nine years old, she was gone, just like that,” Helena says snapping her fingers. 

‘“Helena, I’m so sorry…” Myka tries to apologize.

“You have no idea about the anguish of losing a child. She was the love of my life and there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought of her, dreamed about the woman she would have become. And I wish I could believe she’s somewhere, just waiting for me to join her, but the truth is, I don’t,” Helena sobs at the admission. “I don’t believe she’s anywhere, she’s just gone. And how can I possibly take this…this afterlife,” she says gesturing to the city below, “when she didn’t even have a chance for a life, let alone this?”

“Helena…”

“No! I’ve made my choice, Myka,” Helena says climbing into the jeep, turning on the ignition despite Myka’s pleas and speeding away, away from everything. 

Helena can hardly see the road through her tears but steps on the gas harder anyway, trying to get away from what she so desperately wants but won’t allow herself to have.

 _“Mummy?”_

_“Yes, darling?” Helena asks, looking up from the story she had been reading aloud_.

_“What’s heaven like?”_

_Helena chokes down the sob she feels rising in her throat and forces a smile through unshed tears. She rises from her chair at Christina’s bedside and turning to set the storybook down on the chair, she takes a deep, steadying breath before turning to climb into the hospital bed beside her daughter. She gently gathers Christina in her arms, holding her close, feeling how fragile she’s become. Helena pushes aside the pink knitted cap Christina wears to place a lingering kiss at her temple._

_“No one knows for certain just what Heaven is, darling. I like to believe it’s more than a place you go to, but rather a state of mind, a feeling. Heaven can be a place right here on earth, at a moment when you felt only happiness. It can be whatever you make it, whatever you want it to be.”_

_“Like those days we went to the beach?”_

_Helena smiles. “Yes, just like that. Those days when we didn’t have a care in the world, only long days spent playing in the sand and water, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watches the gulls fly overhead. Those days together were heaven on earth.”_

_“And that’s what heaven is like?”_

_“That feeling you had, that joy, yes, darling, that’s what I believe heaven will be like for you.”_

_"And you’ll be there with me?”_

_“I’ll always be with you, Christina, because you’ll always be with me.”_

_Christina nods against her chest, satisfied with the answer. “Will you finish the story, Mummy? Does it have a happy ending?”_

_“Let’s find out, darling.”_

Helena sees the road block ahead in plenty of time to avoid it, but why bother? Nothing bad will befall her here so she shifts gears and speeds ahead, slamming into it with the Jeep. The force of the hit ejects her and she tumbles into the sand beyond. She lies still for a moment, waiting to see if any pain will seep into her bones, almost wishing it would. But it doesn’t and she slowly rises to sit up. The pain she does feel isn’t physical. She left Myka. Left her in anger and hurt. She can hear the ocean waves lapping against the shore and as she moves further to turn her body, she feels a presence beside her. Looking up, there is Myka, a sad smile on her lips and love in her eyes, holding out her hands to help lift Helena from the ground.

Helena reaches to take hold of Myka’s hand but before their hands can touch, the clock strikes midnight and she’s gone.

***

Helena doesn’t go back to San Junipero the following Saturday night. Her nurse looks at her concerned when she tells her to put away the device but she can’t face Myka, not if she just has to leave her again.

She gets worse. The coughing fits are more frequent and last longer. She feels weak and tired all the time now, barely able to get around without someone to hold onto. And still she doesn’t go back to San Junipero. 

When she sleeps, she dreams of Christina. But Myka is there too. And she thinks that maybe these dreams are more than dreams. That maybe it’s Christina’s way of telling her they’re still connected, they’ll always be connected and to just be happy. 

***

She’s sitting on a bench outside, enjoying the fresh air that whips through her hair. Her nurse tucks a blanket around her legs to keep her warm before sitting beside her, taking in the landscape.

There hasn’t been a day since Helena married Myka and left her alone in San Junipero that she hasn’t thought of her, wondered how she’s getting along. And she thinks she’s ready to stop wondering now and find out. 

“I think I’m ready now,” Helena says, feeling peace settle over her at the decision.

“Ready for what?” the nurse asks her.

“To find out the rest of the story.”

***

It’s late morning when Helena arrives in San Junipero. She’s only been here once in the daylight, that day she proposed to Myka and she discovers now that Myka was right, it is warm here. She can smell the salt in the air from the ocean, feel the breeze on her face, things she was aware of before when only visiting but now everything is more pronounced, clearer. The sand feels good shifting between her toes as she walks towards the beach house. 

She doesn’t know where Myka lives, she never saw her place, they always spent their time together here, but Helena figures she’ll go to Tesla’s tonight to try to find her, to apologize and hope they can mend any damage that’s been done.

She expects the house to be vacant but as she walks closer, the windows are wide open, the curtains dancing on the breeze and as she slowly walks up the steps of the deck, she can hear music coming from inside.

_They say in heaven love comes first_  
_We’ll make heaven a place on earth_

Helena cautiously steps inside the open doorway. Her eyes are drawn to Myka right away, sitting at a desk with her back turned. Her foot taps to the beat of the music and she’s completely immersed in whatever she’s working on. Helena feels her throat constrict at all the things she longs to say but unable to say them at the moment, she takes a steadying breath and allows herself this moment to just look at Myka, to soak her in. She’s beautiful, Helena’s always thought so, but studying her now in the sunlight, she notices for the first time the faint touch of auburn in brunette curls and she wonders what else she’ll notice in this new light.

She’s interrupted from her thoughts when Myka rummages through the desk drawer, looking for something. Finally finding her voice, Helena speaks loud enough to be heard over the music, “Ransacking my home?”

Myka spins at the sound of her voice, her green eyes, (even greener than Helena remembers) staring back at her in surprise.

“Helena,” Myka breathes, stunned to see the other woman casually leaning against the door frame, arms crossed at her chest and a soft smile on her lips.

Myka hurriedly turns off the stereo, enveloping them in silence before standing and mirroring Helena’s stance with her own arms crossed at her chest. “What are you doing here?”

Helena quirks a brow at her, causing Myka to blush, because technically this is Helena’s home.

“I mean…it’s been weeks since I’ve seen you,” she says, brow furrowed. “Why are you here now? Is everything alright?”

“That depends on you, Myka.”

“On me?”

“Yes,” Helena clears her throat nervously. “On whether you want to remain married to me after the pain I caused you.” 

Myka’s lips part into a wide smile and she crosses the room in three long strides, cupping Helena’s face gently between her hands. “You passed over?” she whispers.

Helena nods, never taking her eyes away from Myka’s. “This morning.”

“And you chose San Junipero?”

“I chose _you_.”

Myka tries to blink back the tears forming in her eyes. It doesn’t work but she kisses Helena anyway, laughing against her lips. “I love you, Helena,” she says before kissing her again and again.

“So, you’ve been living here?” Helena asks when they finally part from their kisses, taking a cursory glance around the house. There are a few new items here and there, a stack of books in the corner next to a plush reading chair that wasn’t there before.

“Yeah,” Myka blushes. “This felt like home to me.”

“I’m glad,” Helena tells her. “You’ve added a few things I see,” she says with a nod to the chair.

“I hope you don’t mind? I can get rid of it if…”

“Myka,” Helena interrupts, “this is as much your home now as mine. It’s ours.”

Myka grins. “I kept everything of yours, just as it was,” she assures.

“I see that,” Helena says noticing Christina’s photo still sits on the end table. “Thank you, Myka.” 

“And I kept something else for you,” Myka says reaching behind her neck to unclasp the chain she wears.

“You kept my locket?” Helena whispers.

“Of course I did,” Myka says reaching to place the locket around Helena’s neck, back where it belongs, close to her heart. “It’s a part of you, _she_ will always be a part of you.”

Helena nods. “I know. And now so are you.” 

_They say in heaven love comes first_  
_We’ll make heaven a place on earth_


End file.
